I'm feeling ....
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More to follow....
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2001-07-01 - 11.26pm previous entry next entry Neil got stung by a wasp today, poor thing. He was about to mow the lawn and he was standing right by that place under the patio door that I said has a wasps nest in it. We had no ice (can you believe we have no ice in the place?!!) so the nearest thing was an ice-lolly in a plastic bag. I've never had a wasp or bee sting before but it looks painful! I froze sealed bags of water for him to use later on, but he hasn't needed to use them since he took painkillers. Neil has a pretty low pain threshold, as he readily admits! He goes pale and nauseous at mild to moderate pain. He's so lucky he's male. Today is Cameron's birthday. He is nine. I can't believe he is nine. Cameron is a child that I love like he's my own, and I don't get to see him much anymore, mostly because I haven't been well enough for a couple of years. Cameron had a bowel transplant when he was four, and before that he was unable to eat or drink, he had a naso-gastric tube and a stoma and was fed intravenously. But he wasn't sickly or weak, he was a gorgeous, chubby, cheeky little boy with lots of energy. I signed up for voluntary work at the local hospital when I was 18, and I started to work one-on-one with Cameron when he was 21 months old. Ah I fell so completely in love with him, I can't explain it. Every other weekend his parents would have "respite" whereby he stayed in the hospital and they had a break from his 24-hour care. They had time to themselves so they didn't visit. During that time somebody was needed to care for him in place of a parent, and to be taught to carry out some of his nursing care with the tubes and stuff, and that was me. It's the most wonderful and rewarding thing I have EVER done in my whole life, the thing I am most thankful for. Cameron gave a lot of love and joy. He wasn't expected to live to his second birthday, and now he is nine! He's fine, he just still has his naso-gastric tube and they are now in the process of reversing his stoma. He has a full life expectancy and is doing great in school, and he is pretty cool at karate too! I wrote more about how Cameron changed (even saved) my life in this older entry. Anyway, Neil kindly drove over to his house and dropped my presents and card off today. He met Cam's little brother, Michael, who is now 18 months and I've never even met him. I can't believe that I've never met him, but I have been too ill for all that time to go and visit, or even have visitors myself most of the time. I miss Cameron. Neil says he looks quite different now with his adult teeth, and he is so much taller and thinner. I hope it won't be weird when I get to see him again, for him as much as me. He is apparantly still very attached to me. His mum always says he asks about me all the time, when I'm coming to see him and stuff. He is such a lovely little boy. I hope we will never lose that closeness. When he was learning to walk he went through a clingy stage and he'd cry if I went out of the room or put him down near strangers. When I had to leave at the end of a day, a nurse would hold him while I left and he would cry, "Ali! Ali!" (which is as well as he could pronounce my name at the time) and lie face down on the floor and sob as if the world was ending. He was addictive, seeing him kept me alive inside when I was otherwise suicidal for several years. I am happy that I was there consistently, every week or other week for five years until he didn't need to have respite care anymore. I hope it made things slightly more stable for him when his parents divorced when he was three. I love him so much. Ahhh, I'm all emotional now! Well, on with other news!! Neil and I played Monopoly again and it was such fun to just play a game as if I didn't even have an illness! Well today was not so easy, Neil had to throw the dice and move all my counters and money because I got too exhausted to do it myself after a while. Maybe I should have stopped but I felt so cross that my body was dictating my enjoyment of things AGAIN. So we compromised. I won in the end. I had Mayfair and Park Lane so that finished it off! I have hurt my back. I'm not sure how, but I can't bend or twist at all when I'm sitting down as my lower back burns like white hot needles. Hmmm. I hope it is better tomorrow or something, I've probably just strained a muscle somewhere. It's not a big deal, I don't know why I wrote it really. Well so much for me making my diary entries shorter! Hehe! I didn't get any feedback yet on whether people find my entries too long to read or not. But I think they are too long, so I am trying to keep them shorter. I will split entries up if they get too long I think. Well I will finish with my thankful list again - this is so cool, I am getting so much out of writing this every day! Ten things that I am thankful to God for today: 1) Cameron! What a precious gift. 2) Neil. He is so lovely, and such great company, so kind and loving towards me. Thank you Lord. 3) Being well enough to play Monopoly today and enjoy it. 4) Having a fridge/freezer. I am so grateful for cold water on a hot day, and ice for injuries and stings! 5) My lovely family, how I love them. They always brighten up my day when I'm feeling bad. 6) Having a place to live, and feeling confident about our home security. 7) Being able to laugh and cry, not having numbed emotions like I used to. 8) Being able to read and write, that is a gift I have really been thankful for today. Not everyone can communicate that way. 9) Music and being able to sing and release happiness and joy from my heart in that way. 10) My Jesus. There are no words to describe how precious a gift he is to me. I love him so much. |
Recent entries..... Cameron's first anniversary - 2004-09-24 |
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