I'm feeling ....
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More to follow....
Unofficial Christian Diaryland Webring!
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2004-04-11 - 11.23am previous entry next entry I am so annoyed. It's Easter Sunday and I haven't been to church for weeks and weeks and weeks because of feeling too sick, and even though I feel sick today still, I really wanted to go to church. Not just because it's Easter, but I really wanted to go, to see people, to sing to God, and yeah, because of how Jesus is alive and that's what Easter's all about. So, big effort - we set the alarm, got showered and dressed. Getting dressed was a complete palava which took most of the time we had to get ready, because I can't squeeze into my pre-pregnancy trousers very well and I am way too small for any maternity clothes, and I have 3 baggy in-between choices, but WHAT TO WEAR with these trousers?!! Neil had to help, and well, big palava. But finally I was dressed and ready to go. I had breakfast, packed a bag of nausea-soothing foods and stuff, and we got in the car and drove to church. I was feeling so excited to be going to church again, and about how we'd see our friends and finally get to tell them we are going to have a baby. No church. Yep. Easter Sunday, we pull up and the place is completely empty. On EASTER SUNDAY!!!! It really really bugs me. Then it rang a bell from last year, when they were all like, "Oh we're not having a church service on Easter Sunday. If you want to go to church, we're gonna join in with such-and-such a church down the road" which is all very well, but HELLO?!! I can't understand why any Christian church would choose Easter Sunday as the one Sunday in the year to shut up shop and go and visit another church. I mean, people from the neighbourhood could decide to come to church with it being Easter - I know I used to some years, lonnnng before I became a Christian or was remotely interested in going to church. Sometimes I just used to feel like going at Easter or Christmas. I liked it. I don't even know why. But I did, and I'm sure there could be other people out there who are understandably thinking that there's an established church over there which they might visit on Easter Sunday. How crazy is it that people like this could turn up and there's no church?!!!! Urgh. I am just beyond piddled off. I think it bugs me this much because of how much I was looking forward to it. I feel pretty sure that people from our church would have gone and joined in with St. Paul's, but I can't remember if they start earlier than us normally, and we were running too late for that. So poo, we had to drive home again. We ran out of milk this morning so we drove via Sainsbury's. Closed. Neil has brought me home as I was feeling queasy, and he's gone out to drive around looking for somewhere that's open to buy milk. Today is really annoying me. I love Jesus, but Easter Sunday 2004 is getting right on my nerves and I am looking forward to it being over with. Poo. Bad mood. Probably hormones. But oh well. I feel like a whiney child, but I just really really wanted to go to church and see my church family and share my exciting news. I have been getting itchy and restless and cabin-feverish lately. It's been weeks that I've been stuck in the house now, and I'm not ill so it's driving me crazy. I just feel too sick to go out, or I was bleeding in the early stages so I was on bedrest for that. Now the house is making me crazy and I am starting to feel desperate for fresh air. I open the windows a lot but it's not the same. I'm fed up of these four walls. But gosh, when I see what I'm saying I remember being housebound, and wow that was so much worse. It makes me shudder to think of it, honestly it does. Two years is a lot worse. But this feels different, as I feel so healthy and normal and like I'm climbing the walls. Yesterday I was as grumpy as anything and constantly fidgetting and saying I was bored, so Neil took me to the park (hehe, I sound like a little puppy or something!) and we had a nice walk in the AIR, and it was cold and damp but WONDERFUL to be out. I felt sick sick sick but oh well. It only took me 15 minutes to get tired out and nauseous but I still didn't want to go home, even though I knew I had to if I was gonna feel better. I am just soooo ready to be out of the first trimester and feeling better, and back to my normal activities. And I miss church. So this big effort and accompanying excitement today that resulted in nowt, feels like a huuuge let down and I'm annoyed about it. But I'll get over it. Neil is back and he says everything is closed, even the corner shops, and all the supermarkets. Bummer. Today sucks. He has gone straight back out because he said he noticed a petrol station that was open and they are sure to sell milk there, unless it's the only place open for miiiiles and they've sold out. Maybe we can go to the park again today for some more air? Maybe there will be a good movie on TV to relax with? I can phone my mummy. I listened to my baby's heart beating this morning with my doppler and there's nothing better than that sound. And Jesus IS alive, church or no church. So I have nothing to really be annoyed about. I should probably pull myself together. I love writing in this diary, it always helps me air out bad feelings so that I feel completely over them by the time I'm finished writing. I should write here more often. I probably will though, as my pregnancy progresses and the "novelty" wears off more. I keep saying that and then still not updating! But I will. I just don't have much to write when I'm not going out and doing anything. I am really cuddly with Neil lately. I want to spend time with him a lot, and he is kind of stressed out with all the work and study he has to do, so he's craving space and his own time to relax, etc. So me getting super-cuddly and wanting to be with him all the time is kind of clashing with his need for some time on his own. But at least we talked about it last night. A really good healthy talk too :) I am so proud of us, we communicate really well about everything since our therapy. It seems ages since we were having therapy, but we only finished in January. Ooh that reminds me, I must tell Cheryl that I'm pregnant! She said she wanted to know. I miss my mummy a lot at the moment. I don't know why. I just really do. We saw them in February so I guess it's about 7 weeks since then. Maybe I'm just not good at spending too long without seeing my mum? Or maybe it's to do with hormonal emotions? Or just because it feels too long since I hugged her. I don't know. But I miss her, even though we speak on the phone every day. My brother and his fiancee are over there with them for Easter. I wish we were. Hey ho. Neil is back again and he has MILK!!! I need loads of that lately. Anyway I am going to finish now, and hopefully update again soon if I ever actually DO anything! ;) |
Recent entries..... Cameron's first anniversary - 2004-09-24 |
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