I'm feeling ....
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2003-12-29 - 12.17pm previous entry next entry Well it's Monday already, somehow! We are flying to France to stay with my parents today, and I'm kind of nervous because the weather forecast said gales in the Channel today and it's pouring with rain. Mind you, I'm just sooooo glad we're not going by ferry!! At least the plane ride should be quickish (I think it's just over an hour) and I can hopefully take some travel sickness pills just incase. Not that I get travel sick generally. But you know. Although I am concerned that I shouldn't incase I am pregnant. I won't know that till my period turns up (or not) on New Year's Day, and I honestly haven't got a clue as to whether it will or not. I don't feel too optimistic though, but maybe that's just because of my track record so far. Anyway I have packed pregnancy tests and sanitary stuff and a hot water bottle and painkillers. It really sucks not to just get pregnant when you want to get pregnant. For those who don't read my pre-pregnancy journal, we have now been trying for 7 months. Sucks. But happy happy yay, I am going to see my mummy and daddy!!!! Woohoo!! I am so thrilled, and I just can't WAIT to see them! I am sad that Percy won't be there, but I will give Paddy a million cuddles to try and compensate. Which of course won't make up for Percy, but I still love my Paddy boy and I can't wait to cuddle him. I had a Cameron dream last night. He was with 2 friends, and we were all on the top deck of a double decker bus. One of his friends was listening to some music with headphones, and he was laughing about some lyrics. He repeated them to me and they were really shockingly gross, about Jesus, really really disgusting. They were all laughing and expecting me to as well, but I said no, I wasn't going to laugh at that because it was firstly digusting and secondly a complete lie about Jesus. I said Jesus would never do that and that I loved him. They all stopped laughing and called me names, except Cameron didn't call me names, but he was kind of quiet and didn't look at me much. His friends got off the bus to get away from me and Cameron followed them. I said, "Cam, stay with me" and he looked back really sad and said no. Then he went off with his friends. I was so sad about that, and angry with his horrible friends, because they made Cameron not want to know me. Of course he'd never really be like that in real life. Anyway, then after I was left on my own and the bus carried on, I realised that I must REALLY love Jesus to stand up for him like that, even at the risk of losing Cameron's love and respect. That made me feel really good. Weird. When I got off the bus it turned into a birth dream, you know the type where you are pushing through tunnels that are so restrictive you have to turn your head at an angle just to get through the space, and you feel the walls pressing on you all over. Normally those make me feel horribly claustrophobic, but this time it was like normal. Anyway, enough about my dreams. Mummy's birthday is on Jan 16th, which is a Friday, and I have decided to go and visit her! So I will be seeing much more of my parents over the next 8 weeks or so, which is wonderful. Thank goodness Ryanair have such cheap flights, or I wouldn't be able to! I decided to come back with Neil on Friday, instead of staying longer in France, but because I'm doing that I will fly out again on the 16th and Daddy has agreed to keep it a secret from Mummy till that day arrives so that I can surprise her on her birthday, and then I'll fly back on the Monday. Neil has a huge presentation due on the Monday so he will be working on it all weekend, making it a good time for me to be away! I can't wait to surprise her with that. And it's not toooo long away from Neil - I hate being away from Neil these days. I love him :) Mummy is my best friend in the whole world, and I know she feels as close to me as a friend too. It's much more than just mother and daughter. But Neil is my love and I want to always be near him, so it's weird having that pull across 2 different countries. I wish we all lived close together. I haven't booked those flights yet though - I'm gonna do that when we get to France I think, from my parents' computer. Then of course we are going back in February for my birthday. I hope the flight today isn't too awful, or else I will dread going so often, even though I get to see Mummy more. I hated the flights last time. Funny, because I used to love flying. Now I get scared of getting airsick - which reminds me, I need to start combating all this fear again. I have been playing Railroad Tycoon a lot this weekend! It's so much fun, although I have been kind of crabby from playing it for too long! Neil has been playing his gamecube games too though. I have done a TON of laundry, everything from our trip to Yorkshire, and now it's all packed again, well some of it, ready for France. It's weird to be away for a week and then just touch down and do it all again. We bought milk when we got home, and now because it's only 2 days later, we have at least 2 pints to drink before we leave to get the trains and tubes to the airport in 2 hours!!! Good thing Neil is a real big milk drinker. Wow this is a boring entry! So I'll stop for now. I will probably update before New Year from my parents' computer, but incase I don't, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!! :) |
Recent entries..... Cameron's first anniversary - 2004-09-24 |
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