I'm feeling ....
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More to follow....
Unofficial Christian Diaryland Webring!
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2004-04-19 - 4.51pm previous entry next entry Dear Tara, How I wish I had your email address or something so I could write you this in person. I hope you are still reading here so you get to see this message. I wish I had written it the day you left your second message in my guestbook. I had no idea you had just had your third miscarriage, and now I know your comments in the first message you left were completely understandable. They weren't fair but I don't care about that at all now. I am ashamed for how harshly I responded in my last diary entry. I know I was standing up for myself and all that, but I'm ashamed because I should have considered that attack often comes from someone in pain, and I WISH I had stopped to take a time out and consider that, and pray first before I responded. Man, I am getting into the habit of not thinking/praying before I respond in this diary! But realising this is a good thing, to help me sort this out for the future. You could have been sooooo much meaner to me and yet Jesus would never never ever have responded to you like I did, so I wish I hadn't either. I hate when it takes a realisation that someone is going through something terrible to make me feel remorse for jumping at them. It shouldn't take that to stop me in my tracks when I let my bruised feelings run away with me. I'm so sorry Tara. My heart aches for you with what you are going through. I don't blame you for assuming I don't care about it, but I promise you, I do. God has not let you off my heart since, and I have been praying for you. Sometimes I can't get to sleep till I have prayed and prayed for you to find comfort and peace, and an answer to why you are having so many miscarriages, and a healthy baby at last. I have been praying for what you asked as well, to be closer to God. I admire you for signing my guestbook again to apologise and be so vulnerable about things, and acknowledge in front of all my annoyed and protective online friends (!!) that you need God. You ARE a better person/Christian for that move alone and I know God will honour you for it. I wanted to tell you that you are on my heart, and that I have absolutely no bad feelings towards you whatsoever, even from your message, which doesn't hurt me in the least anymore. I'm sorry I didn't act like a friend to you when I'm sure you needed one, but I hope that if you ever want to, you will contact me again, especially if things change for you and you would like me to pray about them more specifically. I so want to. Please please email me anytime, or leave a message. If I bug you silly or my pregnancy makes it hard for you and you'd rather not, that is fine too - I would quite understand! I just wanted you to know. Please don't feel bad for what you said before, as far as I'm concerned it didn't even happen and I only feel love for you. I wish you lots of love and healing and joy, and I will continue praying for you. Much love from Alice xxxx |
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